Tuesday, March 29, 2016

March Character Letters



After the popular reception of the first installment of character letters, I thought I'd make it a monthly feature! Welcome to today's column of advice to characters from Gaskell, Star Wars, Tolkien, and Cinderella. :) Advance warning that the letters contain spoilers!

To Margaret Hale 

My dear Margaret,
When a man is standing in front of your door in great distress because you won't let him in, a well-bred lady finds some comforting words to say. I know your brother Fred is inside, and he ABSOLUTELY CAN'T SEE ANYONE, but girl, your future happiness will be in serious jeopardy long after Fred is back home with Delores. Take a deep breath and say, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Thornton, I would like to invite you in, but--"

Very well, Margaret. I don't know what to say either. But you don't look like you're even trying until it's already too late. Also, Ruby Gillis has magazines on how to refuse a young man's proposal. I can give you her address for further advice.

Gravely Yours,
Lady B.

PS. I love your blouses, and you would be a darling correspondent.

To John Thornton

My dearest John,
You know, one shouldn't wear black suits walking around in a cotton mill. All sorts of white fluff is flying around waiting to stick to your jacket and making you look undignified. I'm really surprised we never saw any on you.

You're such a dear, scowly soul. I'm not surprised though, your mother may not have smiled at you when you were a baby. Wives do not like scowls across the breakfast table, so I would learn to tone it down if I were you. It will improve your marital bliss.

You will be a cute daddy, if the way you treat Boucher's boy is any indication.

Seriously Yours,
Lady B.

PS. Somehow all this sternness melted away into a compliment. I'm not sure how that happened.

To Drisella

Dear Drisella,
I wouldn't recommend America's Got Talent for you just yet. I can't say I've seen much of it, but I suspect they want a higher standard of musical talent than you've currently achieved. I would also recommend a course of improving reading for the broadening of the mind and conversation. In case you ever want to expand your skills, Duolingo is a great resource for actually learning French.

Reprovingly Yours,
Lady B

PS. I do hope you grew up and found a nice lord. You were just unkind because of your upbringing and ignorance, and I think you could have easily turned around to something better.


To the Herb-Master of Gondor

Most Learned Master,
It doesn't give good evidence of your high learning when you quote prophecies about the king of Gondor in front of Aragorn and then say they're all old nonsense. I was embarrassed on your behalf. Ioreth is a gossip inclined to take too much credit to her own perspicacity, but she just might know some old knowledge you dismiss as fairytales. It's generally the laypeople of this world that preserve the truth that scholars mock at. I think you're a nice fellow, though, and you do the best you can with the knowledge you have.

Respectfully Yours,
Lady B

To Luke Skywalker

A yellow jacket, dude. A yellow jacket. *just falls down and faints* I'm not fashionable, Luke, and may never be, but the white shirt looked better on you.

You should be nicer to Han Solo when he asks if a smuggler and a princess would do well together. You squashed the tender bud of true love, and that was unkind of you. Perhaps a dose of poetry would be effective in awaking some sympathy for the plight of your fellow adventurer.

Fellow Adventurer,
Lady B

PS. I think you're just as nice as Han.


To C-3PO

You adorable Droid of Pessimism. Life will be OK. R2-D2 seems to know what he's doing, so I'd just follow him and let your blood pressure go down to a healthier level. I can't wait to see what adventures you go on next. When something happens, dust yourself off and be brave instead of predicting murder and mayhem. You'll enjoy the ride so much better that way.

Fondly Yours,
Lady B

PS. You're such a sweetheart for offering your gears and things after Someone got all burned up.


Which authors or characters would you like to see me write letters to for the April Character Letters? I'd love suggestions! :)

PS. Guess what? I got Instagram yesterday!!  Tell me your handles so I can follow you, and follow me @myladybibliophile for even more bookish fun!

10 comments:

  1. I loved these so much. ^_^ I think my favorite was your letter to John Thornton, with C-3PO coming in second.
    And I personally like Han over Luke. :wasntme: But I guess they're both nice in their different ways. ;D

    Must think of character suggestions for April....

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    1. Fangirl. FANGIRL.

      Would love some suggestions! :D

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  2. I've never considered the yellow jacket before. Thank you for permanently ruining that scene for me.

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    1. After all the epic discussions we've had, too. HOW AWFUL OF ME.

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  3. Aaah I love these! Especially the North and South ones. Maybe some advice to more Lord of the Rings characters next time? Eowyn and Boromir maybe? 😊😊😊

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    1. Aw, thank-you! :D Eowyn and Boromir are fantastic suggestions, I will add them to the list!

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  4. This was so great!! I love all these letters, and am so happy that they are all to characters I know. Mr. Thornton's letter was especially sweet. :)

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    1. He is such a dear fellow, I could hardly find it in me to rebuke him for anything. So glad you enjoyed them!

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  5. I rolled over laughing with this post, Schuyler. #ohmygoodness
    Especially the North and South ones were just pure gold <3.

    Yes, YES, Margaret! She's one of my all-time favourite heroines in literature, but I do feel pained for her in that moment when she has to refuse Thornton from the house because of Fred and. . . haha, yeah, I don't know what I'd have done either. I mean, surely she could have invited him in, went inside to where her brother was and ordered him to stay in his room and stay quiet, then went out to speak with Thornton for a short visit? Also, yes, all the way about rejecting poor Mr. Thornton's proposal - girls in Victorian literature tend to be so very scathing in their rejections of men whether they liked them or not (also Elizabeth Bennet, I'm looking at you, girl), that it can be a bit vexing because we young ladies of the modern day sit here waiting for any marriage proposal to even happen :P. My mum always tells me that if you cannot or don't want to accept a person's proposal, one should still do it with graciousness and awareness of the kindness of the offer. :)

    Your letter to Mr. Thornton made me giggle a little. One cannot but notice the undisguised admiration in the tone of your letter to him. Good point about the black suit and the fluff (though it does make him look more distinguished), and yes, his scowls every morning might be a bit dreary after a while ;). But I second the Boucher's boy thing - I loved that scene in the movie! :) Sometimes I imagine a sequel to North and South with how Margaret and John managed their Mill, raised kids, worked among their workers' lives, and particularly the relationship they had with Mrs. Thornton senior *cough cough* ;).

    I love these character-letter posts, Schuyler; it would be fun if you did letters to some Dickens and Bronte sisters' characters and more Tolkien and Lewis characters too.

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    1. Some North and South fan sequels would be so fun to do. I don't know why I never imagined what happened *after* the ending, but what you have imagined sounds so wonderful! :)

      Grand suggestions. *bookmarks them for future reference*

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