Friday, July 15, 2016

July Characters Letters

Welcome to this monthly feature on the blog! I've been slowly collecting another installment of character letters, and finally have a third batch ready to go. (Click here and here for older ones.) Thanks to suggestions from lovely readers last time, and a few additions of my own, we have the following installments for your reading pleasure. It's slightly shorter than usual due to intense studies, but I hope nonetheless enjoyable!

To Boromir

Hello Old Chum,
Things aren't working out to great for you lately, I heard. Not really surprised with the dad you've got. Denethor is a prime candidate for reading You Never Stop Being a Parent. If you give it to the eagles, they can get it to him express mail. Also, technology in the form of palantirs is not really his thing. If I were you, I would strongly discourage their use. Technology in the form of magic rings is not really your thing, either. It will not lead to long life and happiness. I suggest you refocus your efforts elsewhere.

Respectfully yours,
Lady B.

To Hitch

My Dear Fellow,
Kissing girls without permission is one in a very long range of decisions that Have Not Worked Out For You. Bootleg liquor looks like it's going to be another one. Please, please don't go through with it. This is the 1920s. Bootleg liquor is illegal, and you could spend your time better by drinking orange phosphate instead, like Lilla suggested. I like you heaps, though, and your new wing walker is very cute.

Fondly Yours,
Lady B.

PS. Can you give me a ride in the Jenny sometime?

To Ben-Hur

Hey Man,
You and I hung out for a long time. Weeks, in fact. I was not the most faithful of companions. On the level of Samwise to Job's friends it was more on the latter scale of things. But I mean, it could have been worse. Just go talk to King Turgon when you get worried and ask him how long it's been since we hung out. He's got a war he needs help with in the most secret spot of Middle Earth, but I gave your Jewish revolt precedence. He did not have Iris to deal with, however. You needed extra reinforcements.

Regretfully Yours,
Lady B.

To Gilbert 

Dear Gilbert,
Most girls probably like nicknames. Sweetie. Precious friend. Girlie. Things like that. I generally have to Google such names for my stories, because I am neither romantic nor creative along those lines. Angel and Cupcake are others I've seen repeated ad infinitum. The former is a theological lie, and the latter is goofy. As bad as they are, however, I have never seen Carrots make the list. Try Googling next time.

Yours Fondly,

To Tintin

Dear Tintin,
You know, football players may be in danger of later troubles from the amount of times they get knocked on the head. So far I think you are in trouble too. You've passed out twice in this book (three times counting the dehydration) and that can't be good for anyone's grey fluff. If I were you, I'd try a helmet and a bullet proof vest. Also, don't hang out with Thompson and Thomson. They generally cause explosions in their wake.

Your Aquaintance,
Lady Bibliophile

Random News 
In other exciting news, I bought a Kindle! While I'll have various internet functions I can use it for, I primarily bought it as an e-reader. So after it arrives today *impatient bounce* I will start getting it set up. Look out for informed opinions on e-readers here on the blog in future!

And now I'm off for more studies. Hope you all have a lovely and bookish weekend!


  1. Couldn't help smiling at these. Especially the Tintin one =) I've always thought he got knocked around an awful lot. And I see you've made the acquaintance of the terrible Thompson twins! Congrats on the Kindle, by the way. I can tell you from experience they're quite lovely =)

    1. He's incredibly beaten about. I have great fears for his mental sharpness in his old age. XD I see in the next one he gets shot in the head, so the adventures continue.

      The Thompson twins are my favorite ever. So cute. <3

      Hehe, thank-you! I might have techie questions for you as I figure it out. :P

  2. I always love these...and even more so when I know the characters involved (otherwise, why would reading someone else's mail really be that interesting?!!)

    I laughed out loud about the letter to Hitch (just what is it about capitals That Tickle The Funny Bone?). He is the type of hero to put his readers through angst with his choices. I think his story is worthy to go on the Big Screen, though .

    Blessings on your writing, studying, and editing! :)

    1. Hitch is the one that makes you wonder how he could possibly make any more bad choices, and yet you understand WHY he makes them as he does it--the sign of a good author. :D It would make a FANTASTIC movie. I hope it can be the case some day.

      Thank-you. <3

  3. Samwise to Job's friends. I'm using that.

  4. Laughing out loud here! How DO you manage to make them all so funny?

    You got a Kindle! Ooh, how FUN. You're going to love it :)

    1. This one took much time, actually--it requires just the right amount of sarcasm and relaxation. I'm SO glad it gave you a good laugh!

  5. This was such a fun post, Schuyler! :) I love the "Samwise to Job's friends" and the Ben Hur letter was fun ^_^

    And I readily have to agree about Tintin. :D

    Question: Who is Hitch?

    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed them!! :D

      Hitch is from Storming!

  6. Wow! That's so fun! I've never thought about character letters, or at least not publishing them to my blog. Very cool. I just recently started subscribing to your blog, and it's great so far :)

    1. Welcome to this little bookish community, Classic Girl! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and hope you have many good reads in store!


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