Friday, October 21, 2016
Character Letters // October
On this fine October day, it's the perfect time to curl up with a fox mug filled with hot cider and read some character letters. I have another installment all set to go for your reading pleasure. Enjoy missives from The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Prisoner of Zenda, Star Wars, and A.A. Milne.
Sink me, isn't it a fine morning. I heard through the grapevine that you've been having difficulty communicating with a certain beautiful wife of yours. While the fellows may be more dependable, the fact remains that she has a right to expect a certain level of confidence from you. Andrew Ffoulkes seems like an INFJ, who make excellent counsellors, I hear. Perhaps he might have some advice to share on Controlling Erroneous Suspicions and Showing the Authentic You Now and Then. Also, if you weren't so rich and so good, your absolute controlling leadership would be concerning. But who are we to be concerned? You dance into our lives, charm us, and go on your merry way. I'm already writing fan fiction.
My Dear Sir,
You deserve a seat amongst the grandest of adventurers. I love your gallant integrity. I am, however, receiving dire hints about either your physical longevity or your personal honor, I'm not sure which yet. If you die, you will have my mournful self to reckon with. If you lose your honor, then I hope you get whatever's coming to you. You shouldn't win my affections and then risk them in such a manner.
PS. Who are we kidding? I hope you get off without a scratch.
Dear Son of Solo,
Bet you're loving the fact that you've single-handedly captured the hearts of half the female fandom universe. Who wouldn't? I've been volunteered by the Jedi to offer you some free counsel. Early bedtimes, honest sweat, and a healthy dose of genuine repentance are all excellent remedies for confusion as to life purpose and emotional angst for your own wrongdoing. I wish you all success in finding the True You.
P.S. I can't believe I seriously wrote that to you after a long soul symphony of compassion for the outcasts. What level of worm can I sink to?
American Political Candidates
Dear Political Candidates,
Oh, wait. The 2016 election isn't fictional. Moving on.
We need your executive abilities to Make America Great Again. Imagine what you could do with our Hundred Acre Wood if you turned your paw to it. You'd be a natural at writing executive orders and making speeches. And you'd also be a natural at going around and getting everybody to do it. I think you'd especially enjoy harnessing America's man and woman power (must be politically correct) to the profitable task of finding all of your friends and relations. If you turned it into a smart phone game, you'd be a millionaire. Do consider this propisition.
PS. I have a Small too. Isn't that cute?